However You Are Surviving is Brilliant
As humans we are extremely adaptive and any response from our being is there because it allowed us to survive in some way. Even the most frightening and unsettling feelings are protective responses that are trying to keep us safe from danger.
Sometimes our system can become overwhelmed and the fight/flight or dissociative responses that emerge don’t have a chance to be completed and the tremendous amount of energy that is mobilized for survival does not get discharged. In these cases, these states can become chronic and feel disruptive and unhelpful.
It can be hard to know what to do or how to support ourselves when we are experiencing big feelings and sensations, or feeling numb and incapacitated. This can be challenging, exhausting, and overwhelming. If this feels resonant for you, you are not alone.
When we look at these responses from a trauma-informed perspective, it might allow us to hold more compassion for ourselves, see the strength in our coping strategies, and tend to...
Co-regulation and grounding
If you feel like you need someone else or something else to feel grounded, you might also feel like you are co-dependent, weak, even needy. In a world where we are told again and again to self heal, to heal alone, to draw solely from our own strength - it can feel vulnerable to need another being as we heal. But part of the truth is that co-regulation is grounding.
When we are with another regulated nervous system, another being who is in their center while attuned to our needs, there is comfort there. Think of a loving friend, your pet, a wonderful therapist or practitioner who holds space alongside you. There is an alchemy in these connections that can soothe our own nervous systems and help us to regulate in times of distress.
Co-regulation can also happen in nature. This is part of the reason that some folx find healing in the woods, by the water, and in the mountains. The earth is a master of regulation, reaching always for equilibrium. We have a lot to learn from that and can be...
What is grounding?
Grounding is a way of reminding our being and our nervous system of the safety or resources within our reach.
Grounding can look different for different people. What works for one person might not work for you.
What works for us in one moment might not feel supportive in another, so we might need a variety of tools.
Grounding can involve trial and error, and can take practice, compassion and patience.
If you haven't found a grounding practice that works for you, that doesn't mean it does not exist. Maybe you just haven't found it yet.
Sometimes you need a different teacher, sometimes you need a more compassionate container, sometimes you might need more choice or a trauma-informed approach.
We share all about grounding in our trauma-informed course, Find Your Ground. We'd love to have you on this journey with us!
Itβs very common for survivors to doubt their experience.
It’s very common for survivors to doubt their experience.
They may question:
Was it really that bad?
Am I mis-remembering?
Did I imagine what happened?
This is an understandable response because our systems (both familial and societal) work to gaslight us and make us feel like what happened, didn’t.
Also to connect with the gravity of your trauma can feel scary, overwhelming and heartbreaking. Minimizing our experience may be a way to protect ourselves from these intense feelings and also from a community that cannot hold our grief and fear.
In case you need to hear this,
I believe you.
I trust you.
It was not your fault.
You deserve to be protected.
You deserve care.
Your feelings are valid.
